Moving on
by TivoforSteavo
Summary: Summarry contains SPOILER if you haven't watch the totality of season two. Meredith is starting to move on and Derek has problem accepting it.DM.George never slept with Meredith.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One **

Part 1: Memories

She hadn't come up to bed that night. It had been two weeks now that she had not. And the thing was, he was thankful for that. He couldn't be near her anymore. He was too angry .She knew it too and that's why she had kept her distance for so long. But he knew her better than to think it would last. At one point she was going to get tired and confront him about their problem and he wasn't sure what he would do then.

He had come at the hospital earlier than usual that day. He had a difficult operation to do and he wanted to make sure he was ready for it. The fact that he got to spend less time with his wife at the trailer was just an added bonus.

He sat down at a desk and opened his book. That's when he saw her, Meredith. Now that fact wasn't usual. He always noticed when she was around. He used to think that even if she was lost in a crow, he would somehow be able to tell where she was. No, what was unusual was the fact that she was smiling, laughing even, at something that Mark said. Derek felt as if someone had slapped him. There she was talking to the man who destroyed Derek's marriage. And worst, she seemed to enjoy it.

That scene was only too familiar to him. He had seen it take place almost two years ago, but with a different woman whom he also loved. He had just been coming back from a surgery when he saw them. They were talking in hushed tone. Addison had that smile on, the one she wore when she was eating a Hershey bar, one of her guilty pleasure. He hadn't taken much attention to it then. It was only a week afterward, when he had found her in bed with his best friend, that he had wondered. He had wondered if it was the first time or if it happened before and that he had been too busy to notice the signs.

"Dr. Sheperd", a nurse interrupted is thoughts "Dr. Bailey asked for you in room 229." "Tell her I'll be there in moment."

The nurse nodded and went away. He had better hurry if he didn't want to make Bailey angrier than usual.

Part 2: Guilt

It had been 5 days 3 hours and 37 minutes since she betrayed a friend. 5 days 3 hours and 37 minutes since she felt like a traitor. 5 days 3 hours and 37 minutes since she started dating Mark Sloan, but who was counting. She hadn't plan on it happening. It just did. But somehow it did not make her feel better.

They had decided to go eat lunch together at a place they both discovered they loved. They were just supposed to talk and that's all they did. The next day she saw him at Joe's and they both got drunk talking about the two persons they had in common, the two persons who made them this way. They had walked to her apartment and she didn't exactly remembered what happened, but she somehow woke up next to him. She of course panicked. She didn't want to hurt Derek this way. Mark assured her that nothing had happen. She believed him and decided never to think of it again. That's why she refused him when he asked her out that same day.

It must be said that she kept her resolve fairly well even if she was finding herself more and more attracted to him each day. And she would have kept it if it wasn't for Addison. Of course Addison was completely unaware of what she had caused. She had been walking toward the elevator when she found herself in front of Derek.

"Hi", had she said. Derek simply mumbled something that sounded like "Hi" and started walking away when Addison stopped him.

"How long are you gonna do this?"

"Do what?"

"You know very well what."

"Not here, Addison."

"Where then?"

"Home."

Home, one simple word that he said carelessly, but that meant so much to Meredith. They meant that he considered that they shared a life, a home. They meant that he considered that Addison was where she belonged, home. That shouldn't have shocked her. After all, they were married. But it suddenly down on her that they probably would be forever. That she would never have that McLife she so desperately wanted with Derek. Someone else had it and she would never give it back.

She really needed to move on. Not to piss him off or to hurt him back, but for herself. That's why when Mark asked her out again as a joke she accepted. Because this had nothing to do with McDreamie. It was her life and she had the right to spend it with someone who could understand her and love her like he could not. And she had the belief that that person could very well be Mark. That didn't stop her from feeling like a traitor thought or from not wanting Derek to find out.

She had a lot of charts to do that day and she had only done half of them when the Dr. Sloan gave her a more than welcome distraction.

"Hey. I'll come and pick you up tonight at 7." he just said.

"What if I had plans?"

"Plans more interesting than me? Come on be realistic. And could you answer the door this time? Your roommates are rather strange."

"What did they do?"

"Well the girl nothing, but the guy gave me a very long speech on how he didn't trust me, that I better be careful because he's always watching me. No offense, but I thought I was done with that when I got out of High school."

"Oh George!" she said with a laugh "Don't worry I'll talk to him."

"Oh, I never worry. I'll see you tonight. Wear your black dress. You look good in it." And with that he left. She continued doing charts afterward, but this time with a smile on her face. This couldn't be good.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

Part 1: Anger

Derek Shepard was justwalking out the OR. The surgery had lasted several hours, but it was successful. In two or three days a little ten years old would open her eyes and for the first time be able to see and it was all because of him. Even if he couldn't feel a thing anymore and that his brain felt like it had been hit several time with a baseball bat, he felt like a god. Nothing could bring him down now because what he just did was a miracle.

And he probably would have kept thinking like that if he had not notice her presence at that exact same moment. She was coming out of a room, probably making her round, when he saw her and all of his cocky thoughts disappeared to be replace with worries. He hadn't talk to her since he saw her laughing with Mark. He knew what she did with Mark wasn't his business anymore, but he didn't care. He didn't like them talking or being friends or god forbids anything more and that was that.

"Meredith, can I talk to you?" he said. She looked up from the piece of paper she was examining and smiled at him.

"Hey Derek, I heard about your surgery on that little girl. Congratulation."

"Yeah, thanks. So can I talk to you?"

"Of course I just finished my round. What is it?"

"Not here."

"Why not?"

"Please Meredith it's important."

"Well all right then. Where do you want to talk?" Meredith asked with a frown.

Derek led them to an empty office and closed the door behind them.

"Okay Derek, what is it? Is everything okay?"

She looked nervous and suddenly Derek felt stupid. What was he thinking? Meredith wouldn't do that. She wasn't like that.

"It's nothing." he said and shook his head.

"Are you sure?" she said in a doubtful tone.

"Yeah."

"Ok, than I am gonna go. I promised Izzie and George I would do grocery shopping tonight." she said turning toward the door.

"Actually," he stopped her "you're going to think it's stupid, but I wanted to ask you…" And then he froze.

"Yeah?"

"Well I wanted to ask you if you were seeing Mark. Which is stupid because you would never do that."

He than noticed she wasn't moving. She was just standing there and all the colors seemed to have drained from her face.

"I meant to tell you…" she started.

"I don't believe it. You, who know more than anyone what he did to me."

"It isn't like that."

"What did he do?"

"What?"

"What did he do to make you even consider going out with him."

"Derek, don't be stupid."

"You're not having sex with him, are you?"

"This is absolutely none of your business." she said starting to get red.

"It is absolutely my business." he retorted rather loudly.

"And please why is that?"

"Because… because we're friends" he finally said.

"I don't talk about my sex life with my friends. I am going. This is getting ridiculous."

She left slamming the door behind her.

Derek stayed there a couple of minutes trying to calm his self down. What was wrong with him? He never got angry. Even when his wife cheated on him, he never once raised his voice. What was he going to do? Was he even supposed to do something?

Part 2: Shock

Mr. LeBlanc was stable, but Meredith seriously doubted that he would ever wake again. That was the hard part of the job; feeling completely useless. As she was getting out of the room, Meredith checked her chart once again to make sure she hadn't missed some important details that could help her with this case.

"Meredith, can I talk to you?" She looked up to find Derek Shepard with a very determine look on his face.

"Hey Derek, I heard about your surgery on that little girl. Congratulation."

"Yeah, thanks. So can I talk to you?"

"Of course I just finished my round. What is it?"

"Not here."

"Why not?"

"Please Meredith it's important." She was starting to get worried. He couldn't know, could he?

"Well all right then. Where do you want to talk?" Meredith asked with a frown.

Derek led them to an empty office and closed the door behind them.

"Okay Derek, what is it? Is everything okay?" She hoped she didn't look as nervous as she felt.

"It's nothing." he said and shook his head.

Of course she didn't believe that.

"Are you sure?" she asked, while secretly praying that he wouldn't change his mind.

"Yeah."

"Ok than I am gonna go. I promised Izzie and George I would do grocery shopping tonight." she lied. She was in fact going to get ready for her date with Mark, but she couldn't tell him that.

She turned toward the door, hoping to make a quick exit, when he stopped her by saying "Actually, you're going to think it's stupid, but I wanted to ask you…" And then he froze.

"Yeah?"

"Well I wanted to ask you if you were seeing Mark. Which is stupid because you would never do that."

It was her time to freeze. He hadn't asked her that? What was she suppose to tell him? Could she lie to him?

"I meant to tell you…" she started.

"I don't believe it. You, who know more than anyone what he did to me."

"It isn't like that."

It's true. It wasn't, but how could she explain that to him?

"What did he do?"

"What?"

"What did he do to make you even consider going out with him."

Of course Derek wouldn't believe that she could have decided that on her own.

"Derek don't be stupid."

"You're not having sex with him, are you?"

Who did he think he was to ask her that? She didn't ask him that when he went back to his wife. So who gave him permission to say something like this to her?

"This is absolutely none of your business." she said starting to get red.

"It is absolutely my business." he retorted rather loudly.

She wasn't his possession. She could do whatever she wanted with her life and he had no right to judge. She didn't owe him anything.

"And please why is that?"

"Because… because we're friends" he finally said.

"I don't talk about my sex life with my friends. I am going. This is getting ridiculous."

She slammed the door behind her. She was furious. Who did he think he was? She didn't feel guilty anymore. She was going on a date with Mark Sloan and she was going to enjoy every minutes of it. Seriously!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Part 1: Sadness

It was past eleven when Derek went back to the trailer. There was Addison staring at her cup of coffee.

"Derek, we need to talk." she started.

"Now isn't a good time Addison."

"It's never a good time."

Derek didn't answer her and simply took a beer out of the fridge.

"I am going out. Don't wait for me." she said. She took her purse and left without another word.

When she left, Derek let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He knew he wasn't being fair to her and that he was taking his anger out on her, but right now he didn't care. Derek swallowed another gulp of his beer and wondered for what seemed to be the millionth time what he was doing.

Part 2: Comfort

Seriously! Seriously! Who did he think he was? Wondered a very angry Meredith while slamming the door of her mother's house.

"Is everything ok?" asked a voice from the kitchen.

"Can you explain to me why men are so stupid?" Meredith asked Izzie.

"Ok, what happened?"

"He asked me if I was sleeping with him."

"I'm assuming you're talking about McDreamie."

"Don't call him that. He is so far from being McDreamie right now. He's more like McJerkie."

"It's not a very original McName."

"Do I look like I care if my McName is original right now? Do I look like I want to sit down and think of a good name do describe him to you?"

"All right, I get it you're not in a good mood."

"I mean who does he think he is to ask me that question? What right does he have to be angry?"

"I just baked some chocolate chip cookies. Do you want some?" asked Izzie not even bothering to wait for an answer.

"He picked someone else. He freaking picked her and I have to ask for his consent to sleep with Mark? I'll sleep with whoever I want. He doesn't have a say in that."

"Do you want some milk with your cookies?"

"No, thank you."

Meredith took a bite of her cookie.

"Yum! It's good."

"You like?"

"Izzie, it's delicious."

"Thanks. It's my recipe."

Meredith sighed.

"Do you think he's right?" she asked.

"Who McJerkie?"

Meredith nodded.

"Am I a bad person?"

"Well I understand that he was angry, but he had no right to ask you that. You're not a bad person Meredith. You're doing the right thing and he'll just have to deal with that."

"Thanks. Hey weren't you supposed to be on call tonight?"

"The patient died."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah well, it's part of the job."

"Well it's still suck. Listen, I have a date with Mark in half an hour so I should probably get ready."

"Another date, hmm?"

"What can I say? The guy is crazy about me."

"All right, go get ready. I'll clean all this up." said she taking Meredith's plate in her hand.

"Thanks Izzie." said Meredith running up the stairs.

This had been an interesting day and it wasn't over yet.

Part 3: Forgiveness

Derek woke up with a headache. He hadn't slept so well that night. Images of Mark and Meredith kept mixing with images of Mark and Addison in his head giving him no rest. On the bright side, it gave him time to think.

After thinking about it all night, Derek came to the conclusion that Meredith wasn't completely to blame. She was probably still hurt and angry by him choosing Addison over her and couldn't think clearly. Mark probably took advantage of her vulnerability and her extreme loneliness. The girl wasn't her self. Even thought what she did was unforgivable in his eyes, he loved her to much not to forgive her.

No, it was Mark that was really to blame. He was probably trying to make Addison jealous and was using the still young and naïve Meredith to get there. What a disgusting man! Derek couldn't believe they had been friends. How could he have not seen that in him?

That's where the Dr. Shepard thoughts were this morning as he got back to work. Mark Sloan had better hope not to cross his path this morning if didn't want to suture himself some more.

Part 4: Thankful

Meredith woke up next to Mark Sloan and felt only content. His eyes were closed and were slightly moving. He must have been dreaming. Judging by the smile on his face it must have been a good dream. Meredith knew that his fantasy had probably little to do with her and more to do with a certain red head whom everyone referred to as Satan, but she didn't mind. It wasn't like she didn't do it too. Picture someone else in Mark place I mean.

No, it didn't bother her. If anything else it made her feel happy, finally understood. She knew Mark wouldn't judge her on the fact that a part of her was still hanging on to McDreamie or feel threatened by it. They were alike in that they both gave their heart once and never really got it back.

Now that they had both found each other, they could finally relax and let the pain slowly fade away with someone new standing next to them, someone they could depend on. It wasn't the same as a passionate and loving relationship, but it was a good start. They weren't lonely anymore and that made all the difference in the world.

The date was great. They had dined in a crowded Pub. He had made her laugh more then once and afterward he had brought her to the strangest exposition. It was one of those weird experimental things where a couple of old fruits mixed with tired up pictures were supposed to make you reflect on the absurdity of life. They had made fun of everything and she had not found herself thinking about Derek once. Not once until the middle of the night when she fell asleep next to his enemy and asked herself again if feeling this way made her a bad person. She tried repeating in her head what Izzie had told to no avail. No matter how angry she was at Derek, she couldn't bear the idea that he was somewhere in this city thinking ill of her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Part 1: Preoccupation

Meredith tied her hair into a ponytail as she tried to calm herself down. So she was fighting with a man who happened to be her boss, so what? She was a professional she could handle it. When the rumor about her and McDreamie started she handled it and when he left her and she had to work with him she handled it. This was no different. She was going to pass through this like she passed through everything else, like Ellie Grey's daughter only knew how to, with her head up high.

Somehow she didn't quite believe that. This was different because this time Derek wouldn't be on her side. She didn't know what was worst that Derek hated her right now or that she cared.

"I heard they brought in a patient with absolutely no nose and that they were gonna need a lot of help to build him one. I want an in on this one." She heard Cristina say.

"You're so lucky Bailey doesn't hate you today. She assigned me on the Miller's case. None stop diarrhea as if my day didn't suck enough already." Izzie answered.

"What did you do to piss her off?" asked George.

"I woke her up."

At that moment Bailey entered the locker room.

"Okay people, enough with the chit chat. Stevens the Miller's case just threw up, O'Malley you're with Dr. Burke, Yang you're with the Dr. Shepard and before you ask the female and Grey you're with the trauma patient in room 564. Get moving people!" said the Dr. Bailey.

They all started walking pretty fast. Dr. Bailey hadn't slept since her son was born and it made her angrier then usual.

"Are you okay?" Cristina asked Meredith in her typical detached voice.

"Yeah."

"You just seemed a little preoccupied in there."

Meredith gave her a stunned look.

"You noticed?" asked Meredith.

"Of course. I can be a caring person."

Meredith raised her eyebrow.

"What? I can."

"Okay."

"So does it have anything to do with your fight with McDreamie?"

"You know?"

"Yeah. It's all over the hospital."

"What!"

"Oh relax, will you? It's not like it surprised anyone. We were all waiting for him to get jealous. I must admit, I didn't think you would move on so quickly though. You made me lose 30 boxes by the way."

"Who else know?"

"George, Alex, the nurses, everyone."

"I can't believe it. Don't you people have lives?"

"We do. We just do a better job at keeping ours private."

"He asked me if I was having sex with him."

"Men."

"I know and…"

"It's Burke."

"What?"

"No, it's Burke down the hall. He's coming up our way. I better hide."

"Wait. Why?"

"He wants to talk about our future. I tell you men are stupid." She said walking away.

Meredith continued to walk toward room 564 when Preston Burke stopped her.

"Have you seen Cristina?"

"No, can't say I have." She quickly lied.

"All right, well if you see her tell her I am looking for her."

Meredith just nodded. Cristina was right. She wasn't the only one with problems.

Part 2: Fight

Derek's surgery had been postponed. That was probably for the best because Derek's anger had wore him out sooner then usual. He had imagined seeing Mark every time he turned a corner, but had never actually set his eyes on him.

Derek was waiting for the elevator when the door finally opened to reveal Mark Sloan. He usually tried to avoid a confrontation with Mark, but not this time because this time he was looking forward to seeing him.

When Derek entered the elevator, Mark was unable to hide his shock.

"Hey." Mark finally said.

"Stay away her." Derek answer.

"Way to jump into a conversation. No "Hey Mark. How have you been? Long time no see""

"Just stay away from her."

"Look Derek, what me Addison had…"

"Not Addison. I'm talking about Meredith."

"Oh, I see." Mark chuckled.

"You don't see anything. There's nothing to see."

"I find interesting that you're more interested in what I do with your ex than what I do with your wife."

"My relationship with Meredith is none of your business."

"No. My relationship with Meredith is none of your business."

"You're playing with her and I won't let you use her."

"If I remember correctly you're the one that used her."

The elevator's doors opened on the lobby.

"Just stay away from Meredith. If you hurt her in any possible way, I'll make sure that even you won't be able save your face with the best plastic surgery."

What Derek was too furious to notice was that his fight with the Dr. Sloan had been witness by half of the staff of Seattle Grace Hospital. That was quite an interesting piece of gossip.

Part 3: Lunch

Meredith sat down at a table with George and started picking at her fries. Izzie and Alex soon joined them.

"If I have to see one more person vomit I swear I'm gonna quit." Izzie started.

George smiled.

"You're on Bailey's black list." He laughed.

"I just woke her up once, once."

"That's all it takes." Meredith pointed out.

"She doesn't sleep much this days." George added.

Alex leaned in to say something in Izzie's ears. It must have been something dirty because she started blushing.

"Karev go do your lovey dovey stuff somewhere else. I'm planning to eat." Cristina said as she sat down.

"Talked to Burke yet?" Meredith asked her.

"No. Talked to McDreamie?"

"Okay, point taken."

"What Yang's avoiding Burke again?" Alex asked with an amused smile.

"Shut up. It's none of your business." Cristina answered.

"You know you're not being fair to him, right? If he doesn't have a chance with you, you should tell him. Don't act like you don't know what he wants." George said in an angry tone.

Izzie looked at him with a stunned look.

"What?" asked George.

Izzie just look at Meredith with a sad smile.

"This has nothing to do with her." George stated.

"With who?" asked an oblivious Meredith.

"No one." George answered nervously.

Izzie's biper went off.

"All right, I've got to go clean up some more poops again." She said getting up.

"You know I find it very interesting that you pass judgments on my relationships when you don't have any." said an angry Cristina.

"I…" started George.

"Oh god, it's Burke. I've got to go."

"I should start on some charts anyway." said Alex getting up. "Tell Izzie that I'll see her tonight."

"Will do." said Meredith with a smile. "You know you're cute when you're in love."

Alex blushed, but didn't say anything to contradict her.

"Look like it's just you and me George."

George smiled shyly.

"So Meredith, you…"

"Hey." She heard someone whisper in her ear.

She turned around to find Mark smiling at her.

"Hey to you too. So how was your day?"

"Listen Meredith I'm gonna go." said a very uncomfortable George.

"Okay. Bye then."

"Bye"

"So what have you done so far? I heard they brought in a patient with no nose." Meredith asked Mark.

"Yeah. It's pretty interesting. You want to scrub in?"

"I don't want you to do me any favor because we're dating."

"It's not a favor. I thought of asking Karev and Yang too."

Meredith nodded satisfied with his answer.

"You wanna know what else interesting happen to me today?" Mark asked her.

"What happen?"

"I ran into your boyfriend and apparently I've got to stay away from you."

"What Derek told you that?"

"Yep. You know sometime I can't believe him. I can sleep with his wife for months and he just stops talking to me, but I start dating his ex and I become worst than the devil."

"I can't believe he told you that. I mean fighting with me is one thing, but threatening you. What's wrong with him?"

"He's jealous. That's what's wrong with him." Mark explained with a smile.

"Why would he be jealous? I'm not even going out with him."

Mark just chuckled.

"I don't find this very funny." said Meredith.

"Well, I do"

Mark got up and gave her a quick kiss.

"I've gotta go check on my patient. We're still on for Friday?"

Meredith nodded with a smile.

"I'll see you later." She said.

"All right. See you."

With that he was gone. Meredith was even more confused if it was possible. Derek was jealous? But Derek never got jealous. Why would he be anyway? It's not like he was in love with her. He didn't pick her after all. So why would Mark say that? God, when would McDreamie get out of her mind? How was she supposed to move on if he didn't let her?


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Part 1: Hurt

Meredith had done a pretty good job at avoiding Derek the day before, but today she hadn't been able to. She had frozen when Bailey assigned her to work alone with him. Somehow she didn't think the I am fighting with him over my new boyfriend excuse would work very well with the Nazi. She tried to prepare herself mentally for a confrontation with him as she walked in direction of their patient's room.

She would act like a professional. That's what she would do. She would refuse to discuss anything with him that hadn't anything to do with their case. Why did he ask for her anyway? It's not like he wanted to see her more then she wanted to see him.

"Hello Dr. Grey." She heard him say.

"Dr. Shepard."

"Mrs. Lewis, this the Dr. Grey. She'll be assisting me with your operation. Mrs. Lewis has been admitted three days ago. She complained of headaches and pains in her legs. We did some radio and found that the source of her problem is a tumor in her brain. The tumor is growing and if we don't remove it soon she could lose the nerves in her legs and her speech."

"Mrs. Lewis, are you aware that your chance of survival to this operation are only 47?" asked Meredith.

"If I don't do it, I'll die anyway."

"Very well, we'll operate tomorrow then." said the Dr. Shepard.

Meredith walked out the door as fast as she could.

"Meredith, wait."

She turned around to look at him.

"Is there anything else you need Dr. Shepard." said Meredith in her most professional tone.

"You're still calling me that?"

She started walking away.

"Meredith, why are you mad at me?"

"Why am I mad at you?" a stunned Meredith asked.

"Have I done something?"

"Have you done something? Hmm, let's see, shall we? You ask me the most inappropriate questions, you tell my boyfriend to stay away from me, you…"

"Boyfriend? So you are going out with him." Derek said barely able to conceal his anger.

"I am, but that's not any of your concern. This is between him and me and nobody else. You have no right to be angry."

"You don't know him like I do."

"No, but I know him enough to know that I like him."

"He's using you Meredith. He only wants you to make Addison jealous."

"Oh, so that's all I am good for isn't it? Make Addison jealous." Meredith's eyes started to tear up.

"That's not what I meant. I didn't go out with you to make her jealous."

"No, I was just your rebound girl."

She would not cry.

"Meredith."

"No, Derek. I really like Mark and he really likes me and you're just gonna have to deal with that."

"Are you sleeping with him?" asked Derek with sad voice.

"Goodbye Derek."

"Mere…"

"Goodbye Derek."

As she walked away, a single tear made its way to her cheek that she quickly wiped away. She would not cry anymore. She cried enough already because of him. She was truly moving on.

Part 2: Reprimand

Derek turned around to find the Dr. Yang looking at him with a disgusted look.

"You're the one that should stay away from her." She said.

"I'm your boss."

"And you're a jerk." She answered him walking away.

Derek stayed at the hospital to prepare his next surgery. He was currently reading his patient's chart one more time when the Dr. Webber interrupted him.

"Dr. Shepard, can I talk to you?"

"What is it?"

"Follow me to my office please."

The Dr. Webber led them to his office and closed the door. They both sited down.

"Derek, I have been inform by patients that in the last three days you fought more than twice in the hospital."

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think that's any of your business."

"You're right the reason behind those fights is none of my business. However the place you chose to have them is. I can't have you giving screaming match in here. This is a hospital. There are sick people in here trying to find some peace to heal and I won't have you disturbed them. Did I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir. I have to go. I have surgery in 10 hours." said Derek in a soured tone.

"Derek."

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

Derek was in shock. What was happening to him? Being reprimanded for fighting in the hospital. This wasn't High school. All this for a woman he wasn't even dating anymore and a man he hadn't seen in a year. What was happening to him? He was being more immature than a teenage boy. Even after telling himself that, his anger at the thought of Meredith and Mark together wouldn't go away. What was wrong with him?

Part 3: Depressed

Meredith was dead tired. The Dr. Shepard's surgery had lasted 6 hours and the patient died anyway. Meredith just wanted to take a shower to wash off the smell of death that was on her and then go to sleep, but she had promise Cristina, George and Izzie that she would meet them at Joe's.

She opened Joe's doors to find Izzie and George sitting at the bar in some deep conversation.

"…that's all I am saying." finished Izzie.

"No! I am not telling her. I am not ready." George answered.

"Telling who?" asked Meredith.

"Hey! Meredith. How was your surgery." asked an over enthusiast George.

Izzie just sighted.

"Not so well. The patient died. Am I interrupting something?"

"No, of course not. We were just waiting for you." George answered.

"And Cristina." Izzie added.

"And Cristina. We weren't just waiting for you, obviously because you know, we were also waiting for Cristina." George babbled.

"I fought with McDreamie again." Meredith started.

"Oh, really?" Izzie asked in a very fake surprised tone.

"You guys knew?" Meredith asked.

"No we…" Izzie started and abruptly stopped.

"Yeah, we knew." George and Izzie both finished.

"This suck. Joe, I need a drink." Meredith said.

Joe just smiled sympathetically and started pouring her a glass of tequila. Cristina walked in with a frown and sat on the stool next to Meredith.

"I fought with Derek. How was your day?"

"Burk asked me to marry me."

"What!"

"Today sucked. Give me your drink." Cristina said stealing Meredith's drink.

"What do you mean today sucked? This is great." Izzie said with her usual perkiness.

Cristina just gave her a dark look and continued sipping Meredith's tequila.

"Okay, this isn't great," Izzie said fearing that Cristina would slap her.

"Well, what did you say?" Meredith finally asked.

"I think I might have said yes."

"Joe, keep the drink coming. We'll really need them." Meredith said. "Why did you say yes?"

"I don't know. We were just coming back from a surgery and I was still on a high. He just asked me and I froze. God Meredith, he had that scared little boy look in his eyes and I just couldn't hurt him because I had to go and fall in love with the guy." Cristina sighed. "I blame it on the post surgery high."

"Alex asked me to get serious after he saw flirting with the Denny." Izzie added.

"Boys." Meredith said.

"It's the dam estrogen" Cristina said downing her drink.

George just looked around feeling very uncomfortable. This was going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Part 1: Marriage

Addison had been waiting for Derek to come home for the last four hours now. It had been weeks since they had a real conversation. Their marriage was slowly slipping away and she was worried. She had tried talking to him several times, but he always found an excuse to brush her off and she was starting to get tired of trying. He had to give her something to go on or she feared she wouldn't be strong enough. She heard about his fight with Mark. Of course she had. That hospital was full of the biggest gossips Addison had ever met.

She knew the reason of the fight too. It was Meredith, his intern, always his precious little intern.

_Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her._

She couldn't think of a way he could have hurt her more then by saying those words to her. He fell in love with her. She had hoped his feeling for the intern had faded and gone away. She had though that he had chosen her because he loved her more, but now she didn't know.

If not knowing if her husband love her wasn't enough, she had to learn that her ex lover, Mark Sloan, was going out with the same woman that was threatening her marriage. What was so special about Meredith Grey? She was pretty, it was true, but she always looked so depressed. What attracted them to her?

The idea that Mark could be in love with that woman irked her. He couldn't be in love with Meredith. He was in love with her.

That was the other thing that bothered her. She didn't want to be jealous, but she was. She loved her husband more than anything, but she couldn't bear the idea of her ex being in love with someone else.

Derek entered the trailer. He barely looked at her before he moved to the bedroom.

"Derek, we need to talk." Addison said before he could lie down on the bed.

"Not now, Addison."

"No, now. We are gonna talk. Dam it Derek, we're married."

"I am aware of that."

"Are you really? You don't act like you are."

"What is this really about?"

"It's about you acting like I'm a stranger. We never talk, Derek. What happened to us?"

Derek looked at her with pure resentment in his eyes.

"I know what I did. That's not what I'm talking about. You may have not forgiven me for that, but we have other issues."

Derek didn't answer and simply stared at her, daring her to go on.

"Why do you care who that intern dates?"

"Oh, Addison." He answered in disbelief.

"Answer my question. Why do you care who she dates?"

"She has a name you know. It's Meredith."

"Answer me, Derek!"

"She has nothing to do with us."

"She's got everything to do with us."

"This is stupid. I gonna walk the dog." Derek said as he left the trailer.

"Derek! Don't avoid my question. We need to talk about this. Derek!"

As the door closed behind him, Addison understood what it was to be scared. She didn't know if she could continue fighting for this marriage or what was left of it. She didn't think she was strong enough.

Part 2: Smiling

He was devouring her lips. It had now been fifteen minutes that Meredith and Mark started their break. They had gone to an on call room and had started making out like teenagers.

It had been a while since Meredith felt that wild. In college, she had always been a partier, but since she had stated working at Seattle Grace, she had kept that part of her home.

Mark brought that side out of her. It must be said that that man knew how to kiss. His hands were in her hair and her neck and lips were redder than Addison's hair. Her lipstick was all over her and his face, but she right now she didn't care what people would think in seeing her later. She was enjoying herself way too much for that.

Meredith's pagers started beeping. She had been working on a case with the Dr. Shepard that morning. She found herself working more and more with him and she wondered if he was keeping a close watch on her.

"I have to go." She said to Mark trying to separate herself from him.

Mark simply nodded, but didn't stop.

"I really do have to go." She tried again.

"I know." He answered, but still didn't stop.

Meredith walked toward the door and he followed her with his trade mark smile.

"You're not making it easy for me." She told him.

"Well, you're not making it easy for me. I guess we're even."

"That's not funny and that's not gonna make me stay." She said with a half smile.

Mark nodded again and leaned in to kiss her. Meredith felt a giggle coming threatening to come out of her and hurried out of there. God, he was turning her into a girly girl. She didn't giggle. That wasn't her. Izzie giggled with Alex, but she didn't.

Meredith entered the patient room to find Derek looking at the monitor.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Her heart beat went down. I gave her something that should keep her stable, but you should come check on her regularly to make sure that everything stay that way.." he answered.

"I am fine." said Mrs. Guzman.

"It's our job to say that." Derek answered.

"My my, someone had a good day." Mrs. Guzman said looking at Meredith.

Meredith started feeling very self conscious. She had completely forgotten what she must have looked like.

"Yes, Meredith. Where were you off looking like that?" Derek asked with a bitter smile.

"He's a keeper." Mrs. Guzman said oblivious to Derek's reaction.

"I'm sorry?" Meredith said.

"The man that makes you smile like that. He must be a keeper."

Meredith hadn't realized she had been smiling. That didn't happen to her often.

"Yes. Yes, he is." She answered confidently.

"Dr. Grey, may I talk to you?" the Dr. Shepard asked guiding her in the hallway.

"Meredith, what are doing? This is not a professional behavior. You shouldn't come in looking like that."

"You had rather I stopped to brush my hair while the patient might have been dying?"

"This is not what I'm saying."

"Then, what are you saying, Derek?"

"You shouldn't do this while you're at work."

"I don't recall this is any of your business. I'll be back to check on Mrs. Guzman in fifteen minutes."

"Meredith, what are you doing?" Derek asked her as she walked away.

Meredith turned around. Her face was cold. She seemed to hesitate for a minute before she answered him.

"I'm just moving on Derek."

She really meant it this time because this time it wasn't about a dog, but about a wonderful man who made her smile.

Part 3: Old flame

Moving on. What was she thinking? It's wasn't about him not wanting to let her move on. He just didn't like the guy she chose to move on with. Derek wasn't jealous. He didn't get jealous. He was trying to protect her. She didn't know what Mark was capable of.

Derek was walking down the hall, still shocked by Meredith answer, when he saw it. His wife was talking with Mark. Fighting would have been more accurate.

"…I am married Mark." He heard Addison say.

"I know that Addie."

"I am married. I couldn't care less about your little fling with Meredith Grey."

"Well, your husband seems to care."

"I …" she started when they both notice his presence.

"Hi Derek." Mark said with a smile betraying his amusement in Addison discomfort.

"I should probably go. I have to see one of my patients." Addison said.

"Leave Meredith alone. She doesn't know what you're capable of." Derek said.

Mark chuckled and shook his head.

"Addison deserve better than to be treated like you do."

"My relationship with my wife doesn't concern you."

"And my relationship with Meredith Grey doesn't concern you, but I guess it doesn't work that way." Mark answered walking toward the stairs.

This only made Derek's anger grow. He couldn't believe there was a time where he called him his best friend.

AN: I just got back from vacation. That's why it took so long .I am very sorry about that.I hope you liked this chapter. That's where Addie was off to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Part 1: Friendship

Meredith was sitting on one of the gurney, enjoying the few minutes of peace she had had all day, when Cristina sat down next to her.

"Mention the word wedding and I am gone." she announced herself.

"I wasn't going to." Meredith answered.

"Good because I am getting tired of people asking me about it."

"I didn't…"

"And you know what? I am so angry at Burke right now. He is so excited about the dam thing. He acts like a girl and a girly one. All he thinks about is the music we're gonna play, the dress I am going to wear."

She then grunted and left her arms fall next to her.

"I…" Meredith started.

"I mean, I am not a people person and now, Burke expects me to meet his parents and follow their stupid family traditions. Who does he think he's getting married to?"

Meredith waited a moment before she spoke again.

"You're feeling better?"

"Yeah thanks."

There was a moment of comfortable silence when Cristina continued.

"I am gonna ask you something. When I do, know that it will be uncomfortable and awkward for both of us. So please don't make a big deal about it." Cristina sighted. "Will you be my maid of honor?"

Meredith smiled. She knew how hard it was for Cristina to ask something like that.

"Of course, I will be."

"Good." Cristina nodded. "I couldn't take anyone else. I mean Izzie is too perky and George well he pout too much."

Meredith let out a laugh. It was so typical of her, trying to get rid of all the sweetness of the moment by saying something mean.

"So, I'm still your person?" Meredith asked her.

Cristina only gave her a weird look.

God, Meredith couldn't wait for the wedding. She was going to have way too much fun at Cristina's expense.

Part 2: Goodbye

Derek was lying in bed smiling so much he was happy of finally getting some much needed rest. The hospital, Meredith, Mark and Addison, they had all been hard on him. He was slowly drifting off to a peaceful sleep when he heard her voice.

"Please, talk to me Derek." Addison begged him.

He didn't answer her and pretended to be sleeping instead, hoping she would give up and let him rest.

"I know you're awake. We've been married for eleven years and dating before that. I can tell when you are."

"Let me sleep, Addison." He answered her.

"No. We need to talk and you know it."

"I had a hard day and I need to sleep."

"My day was hard too…You know what? Fine! You want to sleep. I give up. I'll let you sleep."

"Thank you."

He was halfway to sleep again when he heard her shuffle through the closet.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I am packing my things. I am leaving. I'll be staying at the Four Seasons for two weeks. If you're ready to talk and save our marriage before I leave meet me there. If you don't… Well, then I'll have my answer and I'll send to you the divorce papers."

Her voice was smaller than usual. She had been crying.

"Addison…" he started getting angry.

"Don't!" she said forcefully. "Please, don't." she added practically below a whisper.

She continued packing in silence

"Goodbye, Derek." she said opening the door.

"I…" Derek tried to say.

"I know. Look, I love you, Derek and I want you to be happy with me or without me. If you think Meredith can make you happy then go to her. I wish your happiness was with me, but you need to be more honest with yourself. I want to be happy, Derek, and I don't think I can be if we continue like this. I know what I did was horrible and I am sorry, but I still think I deserve better than to be with someone who only stay with me out of obligation and that wish to be with someone else instead." Her voice cracked at this.

"Goodbye, Addie." Derek said finally understanding.

"Goodbye, Derek."

With that, she was gone. Out of his life maybe forever. He hadn't meant to hurt her. He loved her. He just didn't know if he was still in love with her or that he could ever be again.

Part 3: Paradox

Meredith got to her mother house at half past midnight. She felt exhausted by her fight with Derek. No matter how angry she was with him she hated hurting him. She didn't want to fight with him, but he gave her no other choice. She went directly to the kitchen and served herself a glass of milk. She was really tired, but she knew she couldn't sleep just yet. She drank her milk silently while thinking about Derek's face when she said she was moving on when she heard sobs coming from upstairs. Izzie was crying, but why?

Softly Meredith walked up the stairs to Izzie's room. She heard her sniffle through the door.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Meredith?"

"Behind the door. Can I come in?"

"No! I…I…" Izzie fumbled with her words.

"That's okay. I know you've been crying." Meredith said stepping into the room.

Izzie sighted before she started talking.

"It's Alex. He said he was tired of waiting for me to choose between him and Denny. We fought pretty hard. It's just Alex is a great guy, but since what happened with Olivia, I just don't trust him like I used to. I am always waiting for him to hurt me again and I can't open up to him. But with Denny it's different. He would never do something like that to me. He is caring and funny and he needs me. I just don't know what to do."

"It's easy just pick."

Izzie chuckled bitterly.

"No, really Izzie. Alex is right. You're not being fair with either of them. They both adore you and you're acting like a spoiled brat. Do you realize how much you hurt them by doing what you're doing? You flirt with Denny to try to move on from Alex. You pretend you're available when really you are not. After that you start over with Alex, giving him hope when maybe there's not."

The strange paradox was making Meredith very angry.

"Meredith, I'm sorry. I didn't realize…"

"Just pick the one you think can make you happy. If you're only reason for being with Alex is because you feel like you have to after leading him on, then don't stay with him. Same thing with Denny, if you pick him because you're too scared of risking being hurt by Alex again, then don't pick him. They both deserve better than that."

Izzie just nodded and Meredith left her alone to decide. She knew she had been too hard on her, but she couldn't have helped how strongly she felt about Izzie's dilemma. After this talk, she felt ready to sleep. She had exhausted her last strength.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Part 1: Noble feelings

Derek and Addison were separated. It was all over the hospital. All the nurses were harboring fake pity smile while telling the news to their coworker.

Everyone seemed to be staring at her and Meredith was sick of it. They seemed to think that she was to be held responsible for breaking the McCouple. They all waited for her to make some sort of faux pas so that they would be the first to know what really happened between the Shepard.

She didn't know anymore than them and she didn't care. Really, she didn't. She couldn't care less about what happened to Derek's love life. She was sorry for him. She was. She did not want him to suffer through a divorce. It was true that there was a time when she did, but things were different now. She had Mark now, Mark, who was a wonderful man who she could see a future with and who could see a future with her, unlike Derek. She wasn't bitter. Truly, she wasn't. At least, that's what she told herself, when Cristina told her the news.

"So, Satan left McDreamy? What happened? He told her he was in love with you?" Cristina had said jokingly, but she soon saw the change in complexion in Meredith. "You didn't know?"

"No, I didn't. So, what? It's not like it concern me." Meredith had snapped.

"Doesn't it?"

No, it didn't. She was over Derek and she wished for him to be happy. She hoped that thing would work out between him and Addison if she made him so. Seriously! She wasn't the slightest bit curious about the reasons that made this happen to them. It couldn't concern her anymore.

That's why when she passed him in the hallway; she stopped to tell him this.

"Derek," she had said.

"Meredith," he had answered, seeming surprise that she was talking to him.

"I heard about you and Addison and I wanted you to know that I am sorry and that I hope that it will all work out."

"Are you? Sorry, I mean."

"Yes, of course."

"Oh," he paused at this. "Well, thank you, but I don't think there's anything left to fix."

She gave him her best sad smile and continued walking. She felt him staring at her as she walked, burning a hole in her head, but she did not turn around.

She felt what she had said was quite noble and she felt that way. Really, she did.

Part 2: Grief

Derek was driving down the road to his trailer, but his mind was else where. A week had passed, and Derek was still to make a move to save his marriage. Deep down, he knew he wouldn't go see Addison. It had been over for a while now and he had to start accepting it. He hadn't seen Addison at the hospital. She was probably avoiding him.

If there was one thing Derek hated the most it was failing or maybe seeing Meredith smile for a man that wasn't him.

Maybe he could accept that his relationship with Addison was over if he didn't know that Meredith Grey didn't care. She had said she was sorry. In all frankness he hadn't expected that nor did he want her to feel that way. He hadn't though she would fall into his arms and confessed her undying love for him, but he had expected a reaction from her, any reaction. He hadn't though she would be sorry or sad for him.

He was pathetic. His marriage had just ended and all he could think about was the girl he hadn't chose, the one that begged him to pick her and love her, but that he still hadn't chose. In fact, she was all he could think about since he was with Addison. Every time he lied in bed at night next to his wife, he tried to remember the smell of her, with her lavender hair sprayed against his chest.

Now, it was too late. She was with Mark, the man he loathed the most, but now for a different woman, the woman he hadn't chose. She was happy with him. He made her smile. Derek used to make her smile. He wondered if she loved Mark or if she would end up loving him. That simple though hurted more than seeing his wife in bed with that same man. What was he supposed to do? Especially now, that he didn't have Addison as a shield against them.

Part 3: Fantasy

Mark and her hadn't discuss Addison and Derek's divorce. They both knew the other knew too, but they both silently agreed that it was for the best if they didn't talk about it. They both acted like nothing had changed and to everyone around them nothing had. He still brought her a coffee every day, they continued dating and the date still didn't end before the morning, but something was different. Something indescribable was gone. Some might say it was that desperate need for someone and understanding that had left when Addison did. Other might think it was the fire of that sweet revenge, but whatever it was was no longer there.

She hadn't talked to Derek since she told him she was sorry. Well at least she had not talked to him in person. In her head, they had had many conversations. Some of them she was ashamed of. Some of them she was proud.

Most of the one she wasn't proud of took place in her room in the dead of night. She always was woken up by Derek incessant knocking on her front door. She opened the door in her Dartmouth T-shirt and a pair of matching pants to find him in tears. First she was kind and asked him what was wrong and then Derek suddenly grabbed her and kissed her with such a passion that made her weak in the knee. Of course when she realized what was happening she pushed him back and yelled at him in a most fierce and noble way that it was too late and that she had moved on.

Derek then proceeded to explain how much he was miserable without her and how his jealousy of Mark had made him realize how passionately he loved her. That was the reason why he ended things with Addison. He loved her to much to be with anyone else. He then got down on one knee and begged her to choose him, to pick him and to love him.

She then forced him to get up and slapped him before kissing him with an equal passion. That kissed leaded to an other who lead to an other that lead to more.

She couldn't look at herself in the mirror after having such fantasies. She was truly pathetic if she was ready to sacrifice a man who treated her with respect for one who left her after lying to her about having a wife. Why couldn't she just stop loving him like that? It's not like he loved her or at least not as much as she loved him. He had picked his adulteress wife over her after all. She could not make the same mistake he did. She was above that. Right?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Part 1: Last time

When Derek opened the door to his trailer, he found something was different. He could not tell what exactly or how he knew it, but he felt that Addison had been here. She had probably looked at his schedule and had taken advantage of his afternoon surgery to sneak up in there and pack the rest of her belongings.

Derek felt guilty of the relief he felt at the idea of not having to face her after what took place in this trailer two weeks ago. No matter what she did in the past it was his love for an other woman that had ended their marriage.

As he walked toward the closet to see what she had taken with her, he saw a bunch of papers on the counter and stopped to look at them. Maybe had she left a note? When he looked more closely Derek saw that they were divorce papers. Addison's name was written on them in her perfectly round hand writing.

The law wanted them to be separated for a year before they would be recognize as divorced, but he already felt like they had been divorced for years and just refuse to admit it.

Derek took out a pen from one of the drawers and signed his name next to Addison's for what would be the last time. After he ended his marriage, he hoped that he would be able to look back at it some day and be able to remember all of their good memories. He at least owned them that.

Part 2: Silent understanding

Meredith sat at one of the cafeteria table flipping through a wedding magazine looking for her bride's maid outfit. Cristina was having a hard time organizing everything. At first, she had gladly accepted Burke's mother offer to take care of everything, thinking that this would be the best way to avoid the subject, but she soon found out that Mrs. Burke share one to many taste in common with Martha Stewart.

If she did not handle the whole thing herself Cristina would find herself at Izzie's wedding. There was no way that she would get married in such a fashion. She would die before anyone saw her in a puffy white dress surrounded by a bunch of flower and anything made out of _papier piend_. As a matter of fact anything with a French name was strictly forbidden.

It was going to be simple with none of that romantic stuff that made her want to be sick. She had assigned Meredith to pick her own dress since she was the only one she trusted to stay sane.

Meredith soon saw that the magazine she was looking at was getting her no where. All the dresses in it were ridiculous and would make Cristina cringe. She looked up long enough from it to see Derek sitting at an other table, alone and frowning at his sandwich.

She looked at him for a moment not sure of what to do before she picked up her tray and sat down at his table. She did not say anything. She just sat there and continued eating in silence. Derek finally looked up to smile at her. She smiled back. No words were needed. Derek knew this did not mean everything was fine between them or that they ever would be, but for now she was there for him, making sure he was okay.

At that exact moment, Derek knew he had been wrong to choose Addison because at that moment he saw who he had left behind. He saw Meredith for who she really was for the very first time. Someone not at all perfect, but someone who would have been there no matter what, someone that would never have judged him, someone that he could never have anymore. Not as a friend, not as a wife, not as anything. With time, they would become stranger to each other. She would get married and have children and maybe move somewhere where she would be offered a better position.

All his anger washed away to be replaced with a feeling of pure and irreplaceable lost. He had lost her not because of Mark like he had told himself so many times or because of Addison, but because of his own stupidity. He had not known true love when it begged him to come back and now it had went on without him.

She could be happy with someone else. He had not realized that before. Her pagers went off and she left without a goodbye or a glance in his direction and Derek felt all the pain Meredith had felt.

Part 3: Visions

Meredith and George had been at Joe's for fifteen minutes, but neither of them had said anything. Meredith was afraid that if she started talking they would end up discussing McDreamy and she was not ready to and George was trying to work up the courage to bring up that particular subject.

"So…" George trailed off.

Meredith turned her head in his direction which only served to make him more nervous.

"It's quite." George added.

"Hmm?" was Meredith only answer.

"The bar. I mean the bar is quite. Joe's is quite, you know. Not that it is not usually, but you know it is good because I like quite. Make it easier to concentrate and all." George swallowed with difficulty feeling like the worse idiot that ever was.

Meredith just gave him a sad smile.

"So, I heard the Dr. Shepard just got divorce. You know if you ever feel the need to talk…" George said, but Meredith did not hear him. She was too surprised to see her boyfriend, Mark Sloan sitting at a table with a defeat look on his face.

"George, will you excuse me? I have to talk to someone." Meredith said getting up.

"Oh! Of course, I'll just wait here." George said blushing furiously at his own embarrassment.

"Great!" Meredith carelessly answered. She walked toward Mark, but then though better of it and went back to George. She had a pretty good idea what his defeated look was about and she was not ready to discuss that either.

"Hey! That went fast. Who were you talking to?"

"No one. I though I saw someone, but I was wrong."

She was now not only lying to herself, but to her friends as well. She was getting deeper and deeper into the denial ocean and if she did not stop soon she would drown in it.

Part 4: Wisdom

Derek was sitting at the roof top of a ferryboat. As he once told Meredith he loved ferryboats. Meredith. Why did everything come back to her? She was the reason he was seating here in the first place.

It was becoming too much for him. She acted like he was a complete stranger, like they didn't almost share a future together. She still called him Dr. Shepard and never once mentioned his divorce again. It was like she didn't care. If it was only that she did not talk to him about his divorce. He would be shouting from joy if she even addressed him to talk about something not related to their work.

Derek knew it was his fault all to well, but knowing that didn't help when he had to watch her drink the coffee Mark brought her every morning. Her indifference for him was tearing him apart, but his jealousy for his former best friend was achieving what her indifference had wanted to do. It was killing him.

He now knew how Mark must have felt when he saw him already married to the woman of his dream. That did not make in any case his act more forgivable, but it made what Derek wanted to do so.

Derek knew now what he was supposed to do. He had to get Meredith back at any price. He was ready to let her walk all over his pride if he had to, but he had learned his lesson and he wasn't letting her without a fight. She was too precious for that. How could he had been so stupid as not to see it in the first place was beyond him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Part 1: No good day

Meredith was walking through the lobby in search for the Dr Bailey. She had been running labs all day, but hadn't been able to even see a real case let alone scrub in. She seemed to be Bailey's less favorite person that day. All this because Meredith was stupid enough to ask her if she could calm her baby. She had got drunk with Cristina and George the night before well Cristina and her got drunk and George drove, but anyway she had had a headache and the little Bailey hadn't stop crying, screaming at the top of his lung as if his life depended on it and she had cracked and asked Miranda Bailey of all people if she couldn't calm him. Of course that hadn't been the right thing to ask and now she was running errand after errand and being kept away from any real case.

Even if she had no one, but herself to blame for that Meredith was in no mood to admit it. Her head was pounding, her day had been boring and tiresome at best and her love life was hanging onto almost nothing on a good day. If she didn't hit something soon she would explode and she wished that on nobody.

As she was contemplating what she would tell Bailey if she wasn't her boss, Mark walked by her.

"Well, hi to you too!" said Mark surprised that she didn't even stop to greet him.

"Oh, hi Mark! I am sorry. I didn't see you." answered Meredith trying her best not to lash out on him like she would have liked to do with Bailey.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Feeling better?"

"Well, yes. You said you were sick yesterday. That's why we didn't go out like we were suppose to." said Mark getting suspicious.

"Eh? Yes, I am feeling a lot better, thank you. I just have a headache, but nothing serious. I am simply very busy right now, so I should go. Bye Mark."

"Meredith, wait! Are you avoiding me?"

"Why would I?" said Meredith avoiding the question all together.

In reality, she was avoiding him. He hadn't done anything to deserve that sort of treatment on her part, but ever since she saw him drink alone at the bar all form of pretence had gone away from her. She couldn't deny that the Shepard's divorce affected them both more than they let on, but she wasn't ready to admit this out loud.

"I don't know. That's why I ask you."

Meredith sighted and then answered with a lie "I am not avoiding you. I have just been sick and now I am very busy."

"And what about this morning?"

"This morning?"

"Yes, I brought you your coffee and you weren't there!"

"Oh that! I was late. That's all." answered Meredith starting to blush. All this lying was starting to make her feel uncomfortable.

"Have you ever considered acting because your lying is pretty good?"

"What?"

"I saw you and Yang coming to work this morning."

"You were testing me!" said Meredith letting her anger come out.

"You were lying to me!"

"I can't believe it!"

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I don't have to justify myself to you!"

"Yes, I believe you do! That's part of being in a relationship!"

"I am going. You're obviously in no mood to have a civilize conversation."

"Yes, go! Why don't you? Be as much of a coward as Derek was!"

"Don't bring Derek into this! You didn't deserve his presence after what you did and you know it!"

"What Addison and I did may have been wrong, but their marriage was over and he treated Addison like she didn't exist."

"Oh please! You know very well…" Meredith trailed off just now noticing Derek looking at them from the top of the stairs.

"What? What do I know?" asked an oblivious Mark.

"Since when have you been listening?" Meredith asked Derek.

"Since you told him you were late." Derek answered simply.

Meredith just gave him her most angry look and turned on her heels flushing like a mad woman at the intense embarrassment she felt. Derek didn't need to know Mark and her were going through a rough patch strangely at the same time him and his wife separated. Who was he to listen in to her fight, anyway? Yes, today wasn't a good day for Meredith Grey.

Part 2: Trying it on

Meredith was trying on a dark green satin dress that went down to her knees. She turned around and then pouted, looked at her profile and then pouted some more.

"What's wrong with this one?" asked a very bored Cristina as she picked up a magazine to examine it more closely.

"It makes me look skinny." answered Meredith as she went back to her changing cabin to try yet another dress.

"So you're skinny. Live with it. Now, can we just go before I get sick of it and kill you?"

Meredith didn't answer and simply came out trying to zip on a fifty style pink dress with a big bow around the waist. She made another time her little number before the mirror before sighting in defeat.

"I look like a five years old."

Cristina looked up from her magazine ready to protest, but she was not prepared for the sight of her best friend in such an over the top ridiculous dress and only a big laugh came out.

Meredith turned around frowning in disapproval of her friend behavior.

"Well thanks for the support." said Meredith.

"I'm sorry." answer Cristina trying to catch her breath only to be submerged by another fit of laugher.

"That was the last dress. We'll have to go to another store."

"No! No way, I am going with you to another store. Why do you care so much what you look like anyway?"

"I just wanna look nice for my friends wedding. Is that a crime?" answered Meredith through her cabin door.

"You're such a bad lyre! And I told you already to leave the sarcasm to me."

"Look, I just think it's important for me to look my best."

"I can see that. It's why that I don't get."

"I just do."

"Hmm. I still think it's weird that you suddenly want to look good after I told you both of the Dr. Shepard were invited." said Cristina, a shadow of a smile crossing her thin lips making her look more like the devil than Addison could ever flatter herself.

"Addison is the Dr. Montgomery now. They're divorced and it has nothing to with him." said Meredith getting out of her cabin looking flustered.

"Whatever you say."

"It's the true."

"I believe you." said a still smiling Cristina

"Why did Burke have to invite them?"

"Well, he likes the Dr _Montgomery _and he already invited almost all the hospital staff so he figured it would have been rude not to invite the Dr Shepard."

"I still don't get it."

"Yeah, yeah! You better move your ass soon or I'll change my mind and let you shop by yourself."

"I'm ready." answer Meredith walking to a fast pest toward the store's doors.

As they walked in search of a dress Cristina stopped and pointed toward a store's window.

"What about this one?"

Meredith looked more closely at the shop window to see a beautiful taffeta red dress.

"Do you seriously want me to look like a slut to your wedding?"

"You think that's slutty? You haven't seen my wedding dress. Burke's mother's gonna drop death. It's white too. She is gonna hate it." remarked Cristina, her smile getting larger.

They continued looking when Meredith without a word of warning went into store.

"You saw something?"

"No, but this place looks sensible."

Meredith started rummaging through the party dress this store had to offer. She went rapidly through them all without finding anything.

"Aw, I'll never find something right."

As she said this, she felt her heels collecting with something soft. She looked down the floor and saw a pile of turquoise silk. She picked it up and saw that it was in fact a gorgeous long cocktail dress.

For the first time all day, Meredith smiled. She knew she had found the right dress. She wasted no time in trying it on.

"It looks good." said Cristina very matter of factly.

"Yes, it does." beamed Meredith.

Part 3: Tension

Derek came out of one of his patient room. He had been nervous all day. Although if you asked him if he was he would have denied it to the grave.

He looked around him trying to find the trace of dirty blond hair and pouty lips, but came up with nothing. He had been looking for her all day, but had been unlucky so far.

Today was the day Derek Shepard decided he was going to tell Meredith Grey how he felt. Her fight with Mark had given him hope.

As he walked toward the lobby, he noticed her bend over looking at a chart. She looked up and saw him. A flicker of fear passed her eyes, but was soon replace with anger. It did not take her one second and she was gone walking toward the stairs, escaping him.

"Meredith, wait! I need to talk to you." Derek shouted through the hospital, capturing everyone attention.

"Dr Shepard, is it really urgent? Because I have to go see the Dr Bailey to give her some important information on a case." Meredith lied through her teeth.

"Yes, I rather think it is."

Meredith sighed and walked down the stairs to meet him.

"Are you still mad at me?" asked Derek.

"Is this what this is about? Because in that case I think I should probably go."

"No, it's not." At this Derek paused "Why are you mad at me this time?"

"That's it I am gone."

"No! No! Meredith, please don't go. I'll drop it. I swear."

"Very well. And for your information I did not appreciate you listening to my conversation the other day."

"I wasn't listening. I just…"

"Hey, Meredith!" they heard George say approaching them. "I was looking for you. Izzie and I were wondering if you would mind if we showed Alex the tapes of your mother's surgeries."

"No, I don't mind."

"Great!" said George smiling before he realized the obvious tension between the two ex lovers "Was I interrupting something?"

"Yes!" Derek answered at the same time that Meredith said no.

"No, George. You weren't interrupting anything." said Meredith looking at Derek with a look that said otherwise.

"Okay. Well, Meredith I'll see you at home. Bye." said George clearly not believing a word she said.

"Bye, George." answer Meredith taking this opportunity to escape.

Derek was left alone, feeling defeated, but he wouldn't stop until she heard him. Meredith would know how he felt if she wanted it or not.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Part 1: Caught

Meredith had been on call all night. It was now five thirty in the morning and she finally had some minutes of peace. The patient she had been taking care of was in a more than critical condition and there wasn't a minute were her eyes were not on him. She was too tired to drive home so she decided to take a vacant on call room to sleep there.

Meredith slowly opened the door ready to fall asleep when she notice two shadows moving on one of the bed. One of them giggled.

"Oh my God!" Meredith screamed closing the door in a hurry.

"Meredith!" Izzy said behind the door.

"I…I didn't see anything." stuttered a furiously blushing Meredith.

"We weren't doing anything. Yet anyway."

At this she heard a man laugh rather loudly.

"Shut up, Alex!" said Izzy and she probably hit him because Alex suddenly stopped laughing.

"Ouch! No need to be so brutal Stevens. There'll be enough of me for both of you."

"You can be such an idiot!" answered Izzy opening the door.

"And yet, you keep asking for more." Alex leaned down to kiss a smiling Izzy when Meredith said, "Okay, well I should probably go."

"I am so sorry Meredith you had to see that." apologized Izzy as Alex kissed her neck.

"That's alright. I'll see you both tomorrow. Eh… bye." said Meredith embarrassed.

"Goodbye Meredith. Alex people can see us." giggled Izzy.

After this Meredith was no longer tired. Not too tired to drive home anyway.

Part 2: Messages

The next morning, Meredith woke up still feeling tired, but she had the suspicion that that wouldn't go away until she and Mark discussed their issues. She'd just have to bear it as long as she wasn't ready.

Meredith walked down the stairs. Everything was quite that day which was unusual. Izzie had probably slept at Alex's and George was most likely still sleeping. She looked inside their cupboard to find them empty of any breakfast food. She opened the fridge in the hope of finding some rest of dessert Izzy would have made, but only came up with some left over pasta.

While her food was cooking inside the microwave Meredith made a note of going grocery shopping on the list they left next to the phone. It's then that she noticed that someone had left a message on her answering machine. She pushed play and Derek's strong voice filled the room.

"Meredith, I saw you were on call last night, but you must be back by now. Meredith if you're there answer please… Meredith! Meredith please pick up the phone." He waited for her to answer him for a minute, but then gave up. " I guess you're asleep or you don't want to talk to me. I need to talk to you Meredith. Please call me back."

This was followed by the tone and a robotic voice that said "This message was recorded, Wednesday May fourteen at six o'clock thirty-seven AM."

Meredith had not had the time to sight that another message began playing.

"Meredith, it's me again. I know you're there. I'm at the end of the street and I can see your car in front of your house. Pick up please. I really need to talk to you. Meredith please answer…You must be awake by now. Meredith! Meredith please call me back or I won't stop calling until you do. I guess you're still asleep. I'll…"

The tone cut his last sentence and the same robotic voice said "This message was recorded, Wednesday May fourteen at twelve o'clock seven PM."

Meredith had left the voicemail on mute because the only call they ever got were of drunken men calling in the middle of the night or wrong numbers. But even if she had known he had called she would never have picked up or called him back. Why couldn't he just leave her alone now that everything was over between them?

"Hey, Meredith! You made some coffee?" asked George drying his hair with a towel.

"No. I just got up."

"That's alright. I'll make us some."

"Thanks George."

"No problem, Meredith" George gave her a goofy smile and started on the coffee. While he did, that Meredith erased Derek's messages. She was not about to let anyone know about them. Her plan was to forget them altogether. As she started eating her left over pasta, Meredith had no idea that Derek was in his trailer right now planning on following her all day if he had to, but he was not leaving the hospital before he talked to her.

Part 3: What could be

Meredith had just fished changing into her scrub. She was trying to tie up her hair while walking toward the reception to look at a chart before she went to visit a new patient.

"Meredith, hey!" Meredith heard a male voice say. She knew very well who that voice belonged too. She turned around feeling all the muscle tense in her body. She tried her best to smile at the man who had called her, to act casual so as not to start a fight before she had had at least three more cups of coffee in her body. Her smile was so tensed though that it looked more like a disgusted grimace.

"Hi!" said she, "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you. Here's your coffee! Be careful. It's hot."

"Thanks, Mark"

A more than awkward silence followed, where they just stood there looking at each other, not knowing what to say. They had both so much to say since their fight, but neither of them knew how to bring it up. There was something so comforting in denial. As if as long as they ignore it, it wouldn't exist. Everything could become what they wanted them to be. They could fall in love with each other and forget all about Derek and Addison. They could move on together and be happy. No one would get hurt. If only they could continue denying everything that they felt long enough, it could be.

"Well, I have work to do. Goodbye Meredith."

"Yes. I do too. I'll see you… eh… I…." They hadn't made plan for a date. It only now occurred to her.

"Yeah, I'll see you Meredith." he finished for her, saving him them for now.

Part 4: Mirror of the soul

Derek checked once more his cell phone to see if he had any messages from Meredith. He knew she wouldn't call him back, but he still hoped she would. Her shift would start soon and he would surprise her there.

He had asked Bailey what rooms she was assigned to that day. She had answered him suspiciously. She knew Addison and him were divorce and she probably knew that his reasons for wanting to see Meredith were not at all professional, but he was her boss and she had to answer him.

Derek waited half an hour in the hallway next to the rooms she was suppose to check on her shift and there was still no sign of Meredith anywhere. He was about to go ask Bailey if she had called sick when he saw her walk toward him, her head down looking at her cup of coffee in deep thoughts. She still hadn't notice him and Derek was grateful for that or she might have run away again.

Meredith was about to walk through the door of the first room she was checking when she noticed that Derek was standing next to it. Her eyes widened in shock.

"Derek! Eh…I mean Dr Shepard can I do anything for you? Work related I mean." She greeted him.

"Did you get my messages?"

She was silent, a look of pure annoyance on her face.

"So, you did. You didn't call me back." This was a statement not a question.

"Dr. Shepard, is…"

"Why won't you talk to me?" He said looking for an answer in her eyes.

Meredith sighed in defeat. She was tired of fighting. She was on the breaking point. She just didn't want to hurt anymore. Could he understand that?

"What do you need to tell me, Derek?"

In her eyes, he saw all the raw pain he had inflicted her. Like a fresh wound that she had tried to heal, but had only hidden a little deeper. She would know he was sorry, she would know he wish he could take it back and she wouldn't hurt anymore. He would take care of that.

"Not here." He answered her. Meredith looked at him suspiciously. This seemed too familiar to her.

"It's not about Mark. I promise." He reassured her. She nodded her approval and they both walk toward a more private room.

AN: I suppose I do make a lot of mistakes. English is not my language you see. I speak French. I do my best to correct myself, but I don't see everything. I am very sorry for that. I know it can be very painful to read a story full of mistakes. I don't really know what a beta reader is or where to find one so could you explain it to me? Well thank you for the very useful criticism and thanks to all the other who review. I love to read your comments so much.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Part 1: Like she was, right?

Derek closed the door of the empty lab behind them. He turned to face Meredith, but his voice caught in his throat. Her pain was still visible, but it was hidden by a look of annoyance and anger or maybe it was just fear. She looked exactly like a hurt animal who found itself trapped by its predator and who with its last force tried to look sufficiently threatening to its enemy in the hope of scaring it away. But Derek was not going anywhere. He just hoped that Meredith would believe that.

"Well? What is it? What do you need to tell me?" She finally spat out.

He gave her his sad puppy look again. Meredith decided right there that she hated that look. It made her soft, it made her melt and she needed to be strong to keep the pieces of her heart together or he would find a way to shatter them again.

He tried to speak again, but his heart was beating too fast and his hands were sweating. It wasn't normal. Derek Shephard wasn't scared about anything. Except this wasn't just anything. It was Meredith and this was his one chance.

"Derek?" She used his name has her eyes shined a little more with the small tears that welled up in them.

He couldn't help but stare at her lips a little longer than he should have. She noticed that.

"Derek, what is…" She couldn't finish her sentence that his lips were on hers. There was nothing tentative about that kiss. It was only full of passion and something like despair.

After the initial shock passed, Meredith kissed him back. As she did so, she already knew she would regret it. She could not give in to him. She could not let him in again. Yet, she could not tear herself away from his kiss. She was weak.

When the kiss ended, they both looked in the other's eyes -breathless. They were both silent. Neither of them knew what to say. Finally, it was Derek who spoke.

"I love you," He said.

She was silent.

"I love you," He repeated.

"I heard you the first time." she said not meeting his eyes.

He sighed. This was not going how he wanted it to go.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" he asked, getting frustrated.

"I don't know what to say." Meredith said, still not meeting his gaze.

"I love you too would be good."

"That's not the point." She insisted.

"Don't you love me?" He asked, fearing the answer.

"That's not the point." she repeated.

"Then what is the point?" Derek asked, growing frustrated.

Meredith met his eyes this time with a look of defiance in them.

"The point is I have a boyfriend."

"Do you love him?" He asked, trying to look more detached than he really was.

"I don't know. I don't think I do now, but I may one day."

"Oh." He said barely below a whisper.

"But that's not why either."

"Why, then?" He asked, feeling a need to know.

"Because I have a boyfriend and I trust him and I'd like him to be able to trust me."

"He's your boyfriend?" He asked, a lump forming in his throat.

"He's my boyfriend." Meredith said, afraid to look at him.

"Like she was my wife, hmm?" Derek asked with a bitter laugh.

"Yes."

"Is that revenge? Do you reject me because I chose her? I left her! I pick you!"

"You picked her first. It's too late. I am out of the choice list. I moved on. Besides-why should I believe you won't pick another woman tomorrow?" She asked him.

"Don't you trust me?" Derek asked, his eyes pleading with hers.

"Why should I? It's not like you never lied to me."

"I did not lie to you. I just…"His voice trailed off.

"Forgot to mention you had a wife."

"It wasn't like that."

"For me it was."

"I see." Derek nodded and paused at this, "Well, thank you for your time. I have to go, now. Goodbye, Dr Grey."

He left the room the faster he could. Tears threatened to show themselves at the corner of his eyes. Derek's heart was breaking, but he would not give up. Meredith would trust him again. He would work on this as long as she needed, but she would.

Part 2: Holding on to her

Cristina was sitting in her living room reading a book. It was a book that Burke had recommended her about epilepsy. She was so much into it that she didn't hear the door open and she was quite surprised when she saw Meredith Grey standing in front of her.

"I hope it's okay. Burke lent me his key." Meredith said, announcing herself.

Cristina looked at her with her penetrating eyes, trying to understand what was wrong with her friend. Meredith wordlessly sat down next to her. They both stayed silent for some time. Cristina understood that this was hard for Meredith and that she needed to know she wasn't alone.

"George and Izzie invited Alex over to my house to watch my mother's tape. They're all talking and enjoying themselves. They're making so much noise, too. I had to get out before I went mental." Meredith stated. Cristina knew it wasn't the real reason for her surprise visit, but she nodded anyway. After silence installed its self again for some time, Cristina spoke.

"It's not what this is about" Cristina said.

"No." answered Meredith and Cristina nodded again.

"He…" Meredith tried to go on, but she found that her throat had tightened.

"Derek?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"He…he said he wanted to talk to me." Meredith paused to try to stop a sob from coming out her mouth. "He said he loved me."

"Oh." Cristina answered with no surprise in her voice.

"I need some tequila." Meredith replied, sounding somewhat desperate.

"Burke has some next to the fridge."

Meredith got up to go serve herself a glass, Cristina close behind her. She found the tequila, but when she was about to look for the glass, a small tear made its way down her cheek. She brushed it off; trying to pretend it wasn't there in the first place. She poured the tequila into the glass and two other tears fell down into the drink.

"Meredith?" Cristina said, growing worried.

"Damn it!" Meredith exclaimed as tears started to come out of her eyes freely. She took her glass and drank it in one shot. When she putted it down the sob she'd been holding in since Derek told her he loved her came out and made her whole body shake with its force.

Meredith suddenly felt a light pressure on her back and shoulder. It was Cristina. She was hugging her. In her eyes, Meredith could see fear, worry and love. She had never seen her friend look at her that way. In fact, she had never seen her look at anyone that way. She must have been a mess to make her friend act like that.

They stayed that way for some time. A friend holding on to another with the lightest touch and yet it seemed to Meredith like Cristina was holding on to her pain with her with that small touch.

Part 3: Wake up

Preston Burke opened his apartment's door to find his fiancée asleep on the sofa with a tear stained face Meredith in her arms. He smiled. He couldn't help it. He knew tonight had probably been hard on both of them, but he couldn't help, but to be proud that that woman who had most likely spent all night trying to take care of her friend had accepted to be his wife.

He couldn't wake them up. They looked too peaceful. So, he simply kissed his bride's forehead and covered the best he could the two women with a small blanket.

The next morning when Cristina woke up, Meredith was still sleeping. She checked her watch to see that it was already seven o'clock in the morning. All the good cases would be taken by the time she got at the hospital. She looked around her and saw Burke sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee while reading the paper.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She asked more than annoyed. He turned around to speak to her.

"You looked too peaceful," he answered.

"And now, I'm gonna be late. Thank you very much for your help. Meredith, wake up!" Cristina shook Meredith until she saw her eyes starting to open.

"What is it?" Meredith asked, still groggy from sleep.

"Wake up! We're gonna be late."

"What time is it?" Meredith asked, with a small voice.

"Seven."

"What! Why didn't you wake me up before?" she asked franticly.

"Just move your ass."

Meredith got up from the couch in a hurry only to fall back with her head in her hand.

"Ow, my head!" She exclaimed.

"That's what happens when you drink tequila too fast when you're depress," were Cristina's only words of comfort as she walked toward the kitchen.

"Here! Take some water," she said handing Meredith a glass.

Meredith drank it all while Cristina quickly brushed her teeth.

"Hi, Dr. Burke," Meredith greeted her boss.

"Good morning, Dr Grey."He said looking up from his paper. Meredith gave him one of her apology smile when Cristina got out of her room with a new top and in the process of brushing her hair.

"Let's go!" She said.

"Well, goodbye, Dr Burke,"

"Goodbye, Dr Grey. Cristina, I'll see you later."

"Yeah! Yeah! Goodbye, Burke."

Cristina opened the door and both Meredith and her stepped out of the apartment. As soon as the door closed behind them, Burke smiled. He really just couldn't help it. He must have been crazy to marry this woman, but he just couldn't help it.

AN: Wow! I never had that much reviews for one chapter before. Thank you all so much for reviewing. I just can't thank you enough for that. Thank you, Tiffany for correcting this chapter. I owe you one. And thanks ilajkajas2215 for offering your help. I just couldn't find your email address. You guys rock!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Part 1: Special Order

Meredith was washing her hands after scrubbing in on one of Burke's successful surgeries. He had been very nice with her, asking her to scrub in as often as he could and keeping her away from Dr. Shepard. There was no doubt in her mind that Cristina had left some details of her visit slip.

It had been a week since Derek talked to her and she had been doing a great job at avoiding him. He didn't seem to be looking forward to seeing her either because he had stopped following her around.

She had skipped breakfast that morning, and she was now very hungry. She walked toward the cafeteria and looked at the choice of meals she had that day. She took out a Caesar salad and went to the counter to order her meal.

"Alfredo pasta, please." she said. One of the chefs served her a bowl of it and than put a white piece of cake next to it.

"I'm sorry. I did not order this…" she said, surprised at the cafeteria lady.

"You're Dr.Grey, right?" Meredith nodded. "Well, this cheesecake order was made for you."

"By whom?" She asked even though she was starting to guess who it was from.

"A tall dark haired man. Very good looking, if you ask me. He said he was Dr.Shepard or something like that and that he wanted us to give the last piece of cheesecake to a pretty dark blondish and thin girl. He said you were Dr.Grey. He asked for the whole cake and to save you the last piece. One of the weirdest orders I've ever had, but he insisted. Must have been very hungry, that man."the lady said, laughing to herself.

Meredith just took her tray with the last piece of Cheesecake and mumbled a simple thank you. She was stunned. He left her eat the last piece of Cheesecake. He really did. Suddenly, tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to blink them away. She couldn't be weak like that again. He couldn't give her a piece of cake and expect her to run back to him. She couldn't trust him. He may have loved her, but if her love wasn't enough, why should his be?

She sat down to eat, but realized she had lost her appetite. She just stared at the cake for some time before Bailey paged her. Work!...Good. Work was good. Anything to make her stop thinking about _Him _would be good.

Part 2: Sobs

Meredith was once more exhausted. She had worked herself to death, trying to keep her mind busy. It worked, but it was now 10 o'clock at night and she had nothing to do. It was too early to go home and the prospect of finding herself alone with her thoughts did not sound appealing.

She walked to the gurney room, hoping to find some of her friends there. She wasn't in the mood to talk, but she was desperate. She needed a distraction, something to keep her mind off Derek.

She walked in silently, that's why Izzie did not hear her. This gave Meredith the opportunity to see her friend's face. It was covered with tears that flowed freely from her eyes. Those eyes that were puffy and as red as her swollen face.

Meredith sat down silently next to her; unsure if she was suppose to talk. Izzie only gave her a rapid stare for acknowledgment and continued to cry silently; staring at the wall. Only very soft sobs came out of her mouth. She had obviously been crying for a long time because her breathing was soft and slow. She was too tired to stop the tears so she just left them flow and take all the strength she had left away from her.

After fifteen minutes that seemed like eternity for both of them, Izzie finally spoke. Her voice was low and cracked from exhaustion.

"Denny…" she stopped and tried to breath. It was hard for her to speak and keep her emotions in check. "He… he died."

A deeper sob at those words made its way to her mouth and she had to grimace and keep her eyes tightly shut to stop it from taking control of her whole body again. Meredith put her hand on hers to let her know she was there which only intensified the sob.

After a moment, Izzie started to control her breathing again and calmed herself down. Meredith stayed with her until she fell asleep. No more words were needed.

Part 3: Bad Mood

It was four in the afternoon, when Meredith walked down the stairs of her mother's house. She was wondering if the left over pizza in the fridge was a week old or three weeks old when George stopped her midway.

"Meredith! Dr.Sloan called. He was wondering if you wanted to see him this Saturday."

"Oh, thanks George," she answered him.

"Yes, no problem. Have you seen Izzie? She didn't come in last night and since I've heard what happened to Denny, I was wondering…" he trailed off.

"She spent the night at the hospital. You should talk to her. She didn't seem fine last night." Meredith gave him a sad smile.

"Oh, ok," he answered; looking very pale. "My shift starts soon so I'll go check on her right now."

George barely took the time to put on a jacket and he was out the door; looking more worried than Meredith had ever seen him look.

Meredith sighed sadly. She too was worried for their roommate. She walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge to take out the pizza. She opened the box to smell it. It didn't smell good. It must have been three weeks old she concluded as she put it in the trash and started eating an apple that was on the counter.

She started passing through the house with once more nothing to do. She stayed the longest time possible at the hospital and she had to stop if she wanted to work the rest of the week. That stupid eighty hours limit! She had no one to talk to. Cristina was working with Burke on young patient whose muscles had developed to fast for his small body. Izzie and George needed to spend some time alone, and Alex was no where to be found and it was probably better for her that way. He was most likely in no mood to talk.

As she walked around the house, her eyes fell on the couch where the phone laid in the middle. She might as well call Mark, get it over with.

She dialed his number. The phone rang for a long time before his voicemail picked up.

"Hi! You've reach Mark Sloan's phone. Please leave a message and I'll call you back."

"Hey Mark! It's Meredith. Listen George said…" she started before she heard the phone being picked up and Mark answer her.

"Meredith, hi! I'm sorry I was on my way out," he said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I could call you later. It is not urgent."

"No. Now is fine. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, George said you called."

"Oh! Yes, that... I was wondering if you wanted to do something this Saturday."

"All right. Sure. Did you have a plan in mind?" she asked with no excitement in her voice. He was her boyfriend, she had to remind herself. She should spend time with him. That's how it worked. You don't cheat on your boyfriend with your heartbreaking, lying ex who you were and maybe still are in love with... That's the reason she gave up on Derek after all.

"No, not really." The usual awkward silence they were accustomed to followed this sentence before he spoke again. "Ok, then. I have to go. I'll see you later."

"Right, ok. Goodbye."

She waited until he hung up before doing the same. Why couldn't she talk to Mark and even more importantly why did everything go back to Derek? It wasn't fair. She though she was over him. Why did he have to ruin everything? Why did he have to hurt her even more? Why did he have to love her now that it was too late?

Meredith turned on the T.V. to try to stop those depressing thoughts from taking control of her once more, but it didn't work. She couldn't concentrate on anything else. She groaned in frustration.

There was only one thing to do. It was pathetic, but she had no other choices. Meredith went to her room and changed in her pajamas. She closed the blind and laid down on her bed. She was going to stay in there and leave course to her sulkiness until she had to work again, but Derek Shepard would not win. It would pass and he would never know that he still had that power over her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Part 1: Taste

It had been two weeks since Denny died and even if you couldn't say Izzie was fine you could say she was better. After her talk with George, the Dr Stevens stopped talking to any of them except if it was necessary. They never saw her cry, but her eyes were always blood shot and black circles under her eyes revealed that sleep was not friendly to her. Her temper was short and all her emotions seemed to have duplicate and become violent. She never laughed or smiled and her Alex hadn't talk since then.

But after spending two weeks in a solitary confinement, Izzie had finally reached out to them. She still didn't smile or laugh, but she talked to them, though rarely about Denny. She was not ready yet. She still cried at night, but sleep was slowly winning the battle against her painful emotions.

When Meredith entered the house, she found Izzie surrounded by all sort of bakeries and still making some more. She was currently eating enormous bites from one of the chocolate muffins she baked and mixing with the other hand some eggs with some flour and milk.

"Ok, not that I am complaining because obviously I am grateful to have something to eat, but what are you doing?"

"I am just baking, Meredith," said Izzie rolling her eyes at her. Her temper had improved, but it still wasn't as cheery has it used to be.

"I know that. I meant, why did you transform this place into Friendly's dessert menu?"

"I just felt like cooking, okay?"

"Okay!" Meredith said a bit annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I'm just…" Izzie sighted in frustration against herself.

"I know. I'm the one who's sorry," said Meredith smiling at her friend in apology. "So what did you make?" she added to lighten the conversation.

"Well, I made some chocolate muffins, some chocolate cookies and some chocolate cakes."

"Wow! A lot of chocolate?" Izzie glared at her in vexed a manner. "I am not complaining. I love chocolate. I just meant that you made a lot of it."

"Whatever," said Izzie feeling already tired of that conversation. "McDreamy stopped here two hours ago."

"What did he want?"

"To borrow a CD."

"Why? Which one?"

"Your Black Box Recorder one."

"But he hates them!"

Izzie just shrugged. It took Meredith only a few seconds to realize why he had wanted that CD.

_But Derek I love you. In a really really big **pretend to like your taste in music**, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you. So pick me, choose me, love me!_

Meredith winced at the memory she tried for so long to forget. No matter how much time had passed, how many men she slept with or how many time she told herself she was over him this single memory still made her want to curl up in a ball in the corner of her room, cry all the tears she had in her body and never come out, never let a single soul see how much this man that clearly could live without her with one word could destroy her to the point where she didn't think she could go on, where she could not look at herself in the mirror without feeling complete disgust and loath for the reflection she saw there.

Meredith grabbed one of Izzie's muffins as tears made their way to the corner of her eyes only to find out that she had no saliva left and that her throat had tightened again. She had to cough many times before she could swallow the small bite she took.

"Meredith, are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said with a small voice she tried to make stronger. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I wasn't working and that because of this I could tell him to go to hell. I was right to do that? You two aren't friends or anything? You are still fighting, right?"

"Yes, yes. You were right. We're not really fighting. We're just not on good terms."

"What happened?"

"Nothing worth mentioning, really," she lied. "Want to watch some TV?"

"No, thank you. I think I'll continue baking."

"Suit your self," answered Meredith walking to the living. There she opened the TV and pretended to be watching it when in fact her mind was miles away in the OR, still replaying the same scene over and over again. Only once did it change. It went to a lab room where a dark haired man spoke three words that could make all the pain of that first scene go away.

Part 2: Knowing

"Have you spoken to him yet?" asked Cristina one morning after her and Meredith were both assigned to the same case.

"No and I am not going to," answered Meredith not even pretending not to know who Cristina was referring to. Her friend raised her eyebrows which irritated Meredith even more. "We said everything we needed to say."

"You know you will have to talk to him eventually. He's your boss and he might have left you alone for three weeks which I don't know why, but you know you will have to work with him eventually. Burke can't continue protecting you like that."

"I am not asking him to. Beside even if I work with him I don't have to talk to him about something else than our patient."

"Right and he won't say anything. He'll just act like nothing happened."

"Even if he does want to talk about it I don't have to listen."

"Because you don't care about what he'll have to say," Cristina laughed at her friend obvious denying state.

"I don't. I have a boyfriend you know."

"Yeah, who you last saw two weeks ago."

"I am seeing him again this weekend."

"Look, you know I don't want to tell you what to do. I know you can take care of yourself. I just want to make sure you know what you're doing."

"I do," answered Meredith with more conviction than she really felt. She hadn't told Cristina about every signs Derek still gave her to tell her how much he loved her and she wasn't going to.

"Alright, as long as you know," nodded Cristina in approval "Now, what do you think he used? Morphine?"

Meredith felt relieved that they were not going to continue this conversation, but Cristina's word had awoken the fear she had tried not to think about. What would she do when he would get tired and confront her again?

Part 3: They Were Two

Meredith was sitting on her couch next to Mark. They had decided to rent a couple of movies and watch them together. They were too tired to go out and anyway the last time they tried to go to a restaurant together they had found they had nothing to say to each other. Watching a movie didn't require them to talk which was exactly what they needed.

Mark had felt like renting _Psycho_ and Meredith had done her best to concentrate on the movie, but they hadn't watch the shower scene that she was already somewhere else.

_I love you_

She heard Derek say in her mind. Love?

Cristina had told her the day before how that morning she had awoken to find that Burke was already up and making breakfast in the kitchen. She had opened the door of their room silently and stopped to watch him for a second. He was dancing and singing to a song on the radio while cooking some French toast and she had found him so cute that she had stayed there to stare at him for a few minutes. Well, that wasn't exactly the word she used to describe him, but it is what she meant. He then stopped singing and putted the French toasts in a plate before saying in a cheery tone, "Mr. and Mrs. Burke. Mrs. Cristina Burke."

Cristina had then proceeded to tell her how ridiculous she found him and how his attitude made her feel sick, but Meredith had detected some happiness in the way her friend told her this story and maybe her ego had been more than a little flattered. She didn't say a word of this to Cristina though. She valued her life too much.

Meredith still couldn't believe that her friend was getting married. Marriage?

For some reason she could not picture herself married to Mark. She did not even think about it and their relationship had lasted longer than hers and Derek had. Why was it that after such a short amount of time she had assumed that she would spend the rest of her life with Derek, but she couldn't do the same with the man she had refused him for? Was it love again?

Izzie and Alex had finally started talking again. They had a date that went well. They still hadn't talked about their obvious problem, but what happened to her friends told Meredith that they would be fine.

Izzie had been not a little excited to tell her the news. She and Alex had had lunch together. She had ordered a salad with some fries that they shared. After talking and eating together for a while, she realized she had forgotten her muffin. She had asked Alex to get it for her and after a little bit of pouting he accepted. "I must really love you," he had added without noticing the importance of what he had said. She had not said a word about it for the whole meal and he still hadn't notice. As they both went back to work she finally said "I love you too" before leaving him there in shock, but also happy.

Happiness! Another thing Meredith didn't feel when she was with Mark. It was not that she hated him or felt indifferent to him. If anything he was one of the best friends she ever had. He understood her, never judged her and rarely reproached her anything. She rarely ever had that degree of understanding with someone. But was it enough?

Meredith studied Mark's face as he was watching the movie. His forehead indicated that he was in deep concentration, but his empty eyes said that it wasn't the movie that had all his attention.

Addison had left for New-York for some time now. Her absence probably pained him more than he ever let on.

"Addison left for how long, now?" she suddenly asked him.

"I am sorry. What did you say?" Mark said coming back from his thoughts.

"I was wondering how long it has been since the Dr Montgomery left."

"A month and a half, exactly today." Meredith nodded.

"Do you miss her?"

Mark stayed quiet.

"Do you?" she repeated.

"Every day."

Meredith nodded again and they both continued pretending to watch the movie in silence. After a long and difficult reflection, she said what was on both their mind for quite some time now.

"Go back to her."

"What?" he exclaimed confused.

"Go back to her!" she repeated.

"Meredith, I can't do that. What about us?"

"What about us? Can you honestly say you're happy?"

"I don't understand."

"It's simple. Yes or no."

"But…"

"Look, I am flattered to see how much you care, but this is too important. We can't keep lying to each other forever! Now, tell me. Do I make you as happy as Addison did?"

Mark sighed in defeat. "No." he said softly and then added "I really cared, you know? And if things had been different…"

"If Addison and Derek hadn't existed… I know," she assured him.

"There is no reason for me to stay now. I'll just take the tape and go home."

"You don't have to go now!"

"No, I really should head home. I'm tired and I've got to give my resignation to Weber early tomorrow so…"

After taking the tape, Mark opened the door to the house.

"What a sad pair we made," Mark laughed as he left the house.

"That we were," Meredith approved jokingly.

"Are you gonna go back to him?" he added in a more serious tone.

"I don't know. I don't think I can trust him again."

Mark nodded before adding, "He loves you, you know?"

"I do."

"Very well. Then goodbye, lusty intern."

"Goodbye, Mark!" Meredith laughed closing the door behind him.

She still didn't know what to do about Derek, but Meredith knew that that night she had made the right decision. And even if some part of her was sad it felt good.

**AN**: Well, I don't think anyone is interested in reading this fic after I was gone for all summer, but just in case I though I'd post this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Part 1: Career

Meredith was late that morning. She had overslept. If that hadn't been enough, she was driving just a little bit faster than the speed limit permitted when a cop stopped her to give her a ticket which made her even more late and in a worse mood than she had been waking up.

She nearly ran toward the locker room and escaped from less then an inch a collision with the Dr Bailey.

"Good morning, Dr Grey," said the Dr Bailey in her threatening angry tone.

"Dr Bailey," answered an insecure Meredith.

"Well, I am not having a good morning. Wanna know why?" without waiting for an answer she went on "Because my interns are late and running around the hospital! A hospital!"

"I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. A cop stopped me…"

"I don't care why you're late. What I care about are the patients and the other interns who had to cover for you."

"I'm sorry. It'll never happen again."

"Your dam well it won't. I might get angry and you don't want to make your resident angry."

"No, Dr Bailey."

"Good, now I was going to give Karev the gastro patient, but he came here in time so I gave him the lung cancer one."

"It will be no problem, Dr Bailey," said Meredith walking away.

"Wait a minute here, Dr Grey. I have to talk to you."

"Yes," Meredith answered turning around.

"Follow me," Bailey walked her to a quieter hallway, away from prying eyes. "Look, I understand that you have some reasons for almost always working with the Dr Burke when the Dr Shepard has a case for one of you and I am sure I would approve of them, but it can't continue. This might appear to the other staff members like favoritism on the Dr Burke's part. I know it is not the case and I would really much like those persons to mind their own business, but this could affect your career Grey."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes, I'll have to work less with the Dr Burke and more with the Dr Shepard. I'll do it," she said with a sigh that showed her displeasure in that reality.

"Good! It's good. Now, move your ass and go check on your patient."

Meredith walked in at a fast pass toward that direction, but not before giving one more reassuring smile in Bailey's direction.

Part 2: Parting

They were drinking a cup of coffee together one last time. Meredith had arranged everything with Bailey to be there. He had been surprised to see how much she wanted to say goodbye.

"…and we just had to use more silicone, but I tell you it really wasn't a smooth surgery." Mark was telling Meredith about one of his first surgery back in New-York when they heard a woman voice speak through the microphone.

"The plane in destination of New-York city will soon take off. Every passengers of this flight are asked to present their ticket at the door 649. I repeat. The plane in destination of New-York city will soon take off. Every passengers of this flight are asked to present their ticket at the door 649. Thank you."

"Well, it's me." Mark stated.

"I'll walk you to the security gates." Meredith said getting up.

"Thank you," he said starting to walk. "I never saw him so relief in my life. Even when he married Addison, I don't remember seeing him so happy. It almost made me reconsider leaving."

"Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but…" She started, but was soon cut off by him.

"Me! I am not trying to do anything." He smiled at her with his trade mark smirk.

"Whatever you say." She giggled. They stayed silent until they reached their parting point, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence this time. It was quite the contrary.

"Well, goodbye," she said say awkwardly. She had never been good with goodbyes.

"Yes, I guess this is it. Goodbye Meredith," He walked to the door and turned around to look at her. "Until we meet again, Dirty Mistress." With that he was gone, but not before hearing Meredith's laugh reasoning on the airport's wall.

Part 3: Crashing Down

After leaving Mark at the airport, Meredith went home to find George in the kitchen eating a sandwich he just made.

"Hey, George," she said.

"Hi, Meredith," he said smiling.

Meredith walked behind him to make herself a cup of coffee, but soon realized they were out of it. She sighed loudly.

"What is it?" George asked.

"We're out of coffee. I told Izzie to get us some."

"Well, you know her mind is not all there."

"As usual you're right George," she said sitting down next to him.

George smiled at that and said to her, "I could get you some. You know, if you want."

"That's okay, but thanks," They stayed silent for a minute before George couldn't bear it any longer.

"So, you dropped the Dr Sloan at the airport?"

"Yes," she answered.

"I'm sorry," he said which got him a curious look from Meredith so he added. "You know, that you two had to break up. It must be hard for you."

"No, not really. It was a mutual decision."

"Oh? So you're not sad? I think that's great. That you're not sad, I mean, not that you broke up. I mean I'm happy if you're happy, but still…"

"That's very nice of you," Meredith said getting up.

"Hmm, Meredith?" George called her back nervously.

"Yes?"

"There's something I need to talk to you about," he said looking determine.

"Yes, George. What is it?"

"Well, you know we've been friends for a bit more than a year now. Close friends! And I love being your friend. You know?"

"Yes, I love being your friend too,"

"Good! That's good." Meredith waited for him to continue a minute or two, but George didn't say anything else.

"Is that all?" She asked.

"No!" he said quickly. "I wanted to ask you for sometime … It's just that…well… Would like us to be more than that?"

"You mean best friends," she asked confuse.

"No, I mean… What would you say if I asked you out on a date?"

"George…" Meredith said sadly, but he was finally getting everything out of his chest and could not hear her.

"Meredith, I know you've been through a lot lately and that you just broke up with someone, but consider this. I love you Meredith and I'd do anything for you. You just have to ask. I would rather be killed than to hurt you. I would never let you go," George said his eyes shinning with the confession he just made.

"George, I am so sorry," Meredith said her eyes reflecting that her heart was breaking for him.

"That's okay," he said looking down so she could not see the tears.

"George, I…" she started putting a tentative hand on his shoulder.

"Just go, Meredith!"

"I…"

"Just go, dam it!"

Meredith did not insist anymore and locked herself in her room where she cried for her friend that could not be anything more. There was a time where she might have accepted him, but her relation ship with Mark had taught her that George deserved better than to be with someone in love with someone else. Why was it that once she fixed one part of her messed up life another came crashing down?

**AN**: I am so happy you guys are still interested in reading this. Seriously dancing from joy over here! Thank you so much for reviewing! You've made my day. You all rock!


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